Archive for the ‘Toronto’ Category

Well it was a great long weekend, and even better if you were not stuck in your car trying to get around Caronto, The Ford Nation,… Seriously, didn’t Rob Fraud Ford say he was going to fix this traffic gridlock thingy that was causing all the car drivers major grief?  Look don’t get me wrong, I own and drive a car in Caronto,… although I am trying to do it less and less.  Why?  Simple, you can get around this city faster on bike than you can by car, proof of this was getting down to Ashbridges Bay for the fireworks show.  Mark and I outstripped the car traffic easily.  We got from the High Park area to Ashbridges Bay in about 25-30 minutes.  After the fireworks, we got out of there and home while people who drove were still driving to get out to main road.

Anyhoo, I managed to get a few pictures of fireworks and one of the CN Tower doing a good impression of the UFO from ELO.

[View with PicLens]

Other reasons to reduce your car use and cycle include

1. I have loss more then 15 pounds in the last 3 months
2. You save money in gas
3. Rule #1 and rule #2 Less Gas, Less Ass
4. You’d be amazed at what there is in this city, and you’ll never see from your car.
5. You will piss off Rob Ford by merely being on the roads of OUR CITY

Last Thursday there was a story being aired on 680 News that Rob Ford was going to get rid of the Bike Lanes on Jarvis.  The 680News went out of it’s way to find and interview motorists and cyclists who were against the bike lanes.  Later on Ford’s office claimed it was all rumours and innuendo, yadda, yadda, yadda.

We are now expecting Ford’s grand new cycling plan for the city with $50 million for new off road trails for bikes and $5 million for cycling road lanes,… ya, I’ll let you do the math,…

Anyhoo,  when I heard the news, rumour, innuendo from our Corpulent Overlard, Jabba the Ford, I wrote him a letter asking how many phone calls constitutes a “Flood” , Here’s my letter/email;

I heard on the news (680 News) that Mr. Ford’s Mayoral Office has been “Flooded”  with complaints about the bike lanes on Jarvis Street in Toronto.  As a result of this “Flood” it has been reported that Mr. Ford is thinking of eliminating the these bike lanes.  This is a very serious issue and I would appreciate it if Mr. Ford’s Office provided some documentary evidence of these phone calls, the actual number, what percentage of the people complaining are actually Toronto Tax Payers.

I thank you in advance for the speedy reply.

Philip XXX Zorpheous

Now remember, this was before Ford’s Office released “it was all rumours, and innuendos”.  I thought this might be an interesting exercise in seeing how quick Lard Tubby got back to me,…  Well tickle me pink and slap my mother, I got a very quick response Rob Ford,… Ok his office,… ok automated RoboMail,… not very impressive after all,… An OOO Reply in Outlook can handle this,… I guess we should thank one of Ford’s lackeys for taking the time to set it up.  Anyways, here is the Timely, RoboMail Response from our Corpulent Overlard’s MS Exchange Server (I highlighted the double plus goodie parts)

From:	Mayor Ford <Mayor_Ford@toronto.ca>
To:	XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

---

Thank you for your email.

As I promised during the mayoralty election, I am dedicated to delivering customer service excellence, creating a transparent and accountable government‡, reducing the size and cost of government and building a transportation cityΘ.

I will continue to work on behalf of the taxpayers to make sure you get the respect you deserve.

This note is to confirm that we have received your email and that we are looking into your matter.

Please feel free to follow up to check the status of your email.†

Thanks again and have a great day.

Yours truly,

Mayor Rob Ford

City of Toronto

We’re all in this together.

Θ ~ Build the Transportation City.  Ah, one of Ford’s greatest “say everything and do nothing” election slogans.  Ok, so Ford wants people to get around quickly and efficiently, that just great.  On days when I drive my car, I spend more time in traffic jams than I can ever remember.  The drive from my place on Davenport to my main clients place take 30 minutes during rush hour.  On my bike 16 to 18 minutes, and I don’t need to pay for fuel or parking.  You do the math,…  Oh and by the the, the Cars actually slow me down, not the other way around.

‡ ~ Transparent and Accountable Government,  Ok, I have zero doubt in my mind that the original news was leaked from Ford’s Office, after all, where would have rumours of “A Flood of Complaints” come from.  So why the false story and then the old denial bs?  Simple Ford wants to be seen as the type of mayor who isn’t going to do anything rash and seen as the guy who has a plan.  $50 million for bike trails and $5 million for cycling road lanes,… so where are these “Off road bike trails” suppose to go in downtown Toronto?  Is Ford going to dig a subterranean network of interconnected biking tunnels that crisscross the GTA?  Will there be elevate bike trails running up Yonge Street and Jarvis?  Maybe Jabba the Ford is thinking of Helium Suspended, Lighter Than Air, Cycling Superstructures,…

Can’t wait to cycle the lighter than air fantango.

† ~ Please feel free to follow up to check the status of your email. Gee isn’t he just great, I am free to check my own email to see if one of his Lackey’s has followed up (automated RoboMail doesn’t count for shyte).  So I guess all this “I am dedicated to delivering customer service excellence” is just noise.  After all, real customer service usually means a time line for completion, a realistic measure of real response time.  So I wonder what a reasonable response time for Jabba the Ford’s Office should be?  I think ten business day is an appropriate amount of time to expect a real and proper response.  Now not expecting Ford to email me his cycling infrastructure plans for my approval, just proper response to my questions.

The clock is ticking,…

The Daily Zorpheous

Wow, that bs council meeting last.  Councillors were not allowed talk about Audit Report, they were not allow to question the Auditor.  Well steamrollered his agenda through council and now one man is calling the shots at TCHC and we’ll have to watch this very closely.

Update

Council Votes to Dissolve TCHC Board

From the Torontist

…, council was there to debate whether to dismiss the board of the TCHC in the wake of a damning auditor general’s report about spending and procurement improprieties at the agency, but was forbidden by speaker Frances Nunziata from discussing that very report (which, in fact, has not even been formally presented to council yet).

I am sure we will hearing and learning more about Ford’s new man at the TCHC, Case Ootes has people revisit this gentleman’s history,…

The Daily Zorpheous

Let the costly outsourcing being, cause as soon as you outsource to a private company to the jobs of public employees you loose the all but very important ability of oversight.  Ah Toronto, you we such a nice city once upon a time.

Our Lord Fat Cat Mayor, Jabba the Ford has gone on a panhandling expedition to see if he bum some loose change from the Provincial Fatter Cats.  Of course McSquinty didn’t feel the need to have his windshield clean by Squeegee The Hut.

Mayor Ford’s $150 million request rejected by province

McGuinty to Ford: ‘There’s just no money’

McGuinty rejects Ford’s bid for cash

Yup, thanks for the $60.00 refund check I can now almost afford to come close to filling up the tank in my car, woohoo!

Err,… so,… are we keeping the water efficiency programs or not?  I have no idea, there seems to be a fat in that answer, maybe Jabba the Ford should think of saving time and money by using less weighty answers to simple question.  For the entire gravy soaked answer with all the trimmings see the question and hefty answer here

What It Sounds Like When Rob Ford Answers Questions at Council

Jabba the Ford starts fuelling his Gravy Train with $3,000,000.00 of tax payers dollars to pay for consultants to figure out how deep in the poopoo he is in for next years budget.  Seriously people, you can’t make this stuff up.  Does it get any better than this?

Mayor Rob Ford has set aside $3 million to pay consultants for a review of all city spending.

Chief Financial Officer Cam Weldon said the money has been set aside in the non-program account, a pool of money that also includes an undisclosed amount for settling contract negotiations.

“It’s around $3 million,” Weldon said to Coun. Gord Perks, during debate on the 2011 operating budget.

What’s that? Non-Program Account? A Pool of Money? An Undisclosed Amount?

Oh, it does get better “Pool of Money”, giggle,… Jabba goes swimming next?  Oh that is a Lionel Engineering hat on his chubby Hutt head.

MEANWHILE, at city council Rob Ford hones his skill at not answering simple direct questions It’s amazing to listen to him avoid answering a simple question. It’s like trying to catch a greased pig at a country fair,…

Ok so let me get this straight,…

1. Ford eliminates $60 vehicle registration tax, thus eliminating $50 million dollars of annual revenue from the Toronto City Coffers, CHECK
2. Ford balances the 2011 budget via the use of one time funding monies and surpluses, CHECK
3. Ford then implements a property tax freeze, because you know,… the budget is balanced and we won’t need money in the future, CHECK
4. The 2012 Toronto Budget is currently facing a $774 million dollar structural deficit, CHECK
5. Ford doesn’t want to talk about the next year, CHECK.

Does anyone see a problem here?  The 2011 budget is $9.38 Billion Dollars and we expecting $774 million dollar short fall for the 2012 budget.  This would mean that Jabba the Ford expects to find 8.25% of gravy to cut.  That isn’t going to happen.  Ford seems to be of the opinion that if eliminates the colour sprinkles from his daily dozen donuts, then he’ll lose weigh.

I can’t weight till Jabba the Ford starts talking about next year’s budget, who’s he going to blame?  This is going to good in very bad sort of way.