Some truth here for a change: we’re running out of gags. We’re at the end of the news cycle. Friday is the day when many news pieces carried all week end, no not be picked up later. Seriously. For the first few days, sure the humour flows. But sometime on Thursday, the humour gets harder, and cynicism takes its toll.
So, not so many tweets of value.
Personally, I blame Tiger Woods. Just too much about him.
At least I stayed away from the obvious ball jokes.
In a surprise sweeping denial, Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada, has denied having a threesome with his wife, Laureen, and golf superstar Tiger Woods.
“I want to be very clear here: My wife and I did not have sexual relations with Tiger Woods.”
The unexpected announcement came during a short break in Harper’s China tour. Framed by a stretch of the Great Wall of China, Harper uttered the statement while under a slew of questions concerning the alleged torturing of Afghans after being turned over to Afghan authorities by Canadian troops.
When asked to explain the reason for his sudden statement, Harper qualified himself.
“I want to make it very clear that if we had, there would be no man-on-man action. If there had been, though, I would be on top.”
No one had asked Harper about Woods, or had made any allegations concerning the Prime Minister’s private life.
When asked why he was discussing unstated allegations about his private life during questions concerning allegations of Afghans being tortured, Harper warned the press not to make “…unsubstantiated claims connecting Tiger Woods with the Taliban.”
“Let me be clear: There is no evidence that Tiger Woods slept with bin Laden, or any Taliban for that matter, though one can never be completely sure.”
Harper then laughed “You can’t be sure because that stud certainly seems to have been getting a lot of holes in one of late.”
He then became serious and said that he would look into such concerns.
“Look, I know you think he’s a terrorist because his deviant behaviour is demoralizing to us all, especially our troops, being such sports fans and all, but we can’t be sure until an investigation is complete.”
“Read my lips: I do not believe that Tiger Woods is a Taliban sleeper agent who has been activated with a mission to demoralize our sociey and to illustrate it as decadent.”
When pressed for clarification, the Prime Minister became visibly angry. “I alone support our troops, and this behaviour of yours is demoralizing them.”
“I promise the Canadian people: We will get to the bottom of this Woods-Taliban connection.”
He then left the podium.
‘Oh, the weather outside…’ isn’t really frightful, at least not here in the Centre of the Universe.
Welcome to December, and the yearly War on Christmas! We hope to find some examples, and, hopefully, causalities.
In the meantime, we present yesterday’s twitted nutz!
More of our pointless Tweets… but then, Tweeting is so pointless, isn’t it?
Today: Grey and Vanier cups (with ninjas), Stephen Harper named in Psychiatry Today, “Mark Steyn”, Palin, Tiger Woods, poets and cheese, Colvin for Senate, and, did Stephen Taylor drop some acid?
Zorpheous survived latest gall stone attack! Should he have surgery, or be left to suffer for 40 more years?
Wingnuterer wants U to decide!
Assuming this makes it to the PB aggregator. We’re having problems!
Yes, pearls of wisdom, commentary of genius, insightful analysis, and occasionally some useful stuff, twitted yesterday, all reproduced here for your mind-expanding needs, following this run-on sentence, which keeps going, and going, and going and going, until such time that you are probably not reading what I am writing anymore, so I guess it’s here that I can start talking about Zorpheous’ addiction to deep-fried Twinkies which has led up to an enormous build-up of cholesterol in his gall bladder, which is what forms gall stones, usually, resulting in his ongoing unreliability and especially more-than-normal cranky disposition, which we wish he would take more painkillers for, despite his long history of deep substance abuse, which he denies, and we won’t verify, notwithstanding what we are implying, which is that he is a drug-addled, pained-out cranky lunatic obsessed with grayscale web page design who needs intervention, or, at least, better mouthwash.