A Squirrel Explains Gay Marriage
May 8th, 2012 | 
Author: If we squirrels get it, why can’t humans figure it out?
All Hale Foamy, our Loving Lord and Master - OR FEEL OUR SQUIRRELLY WRATH!!!!
If we squirrels get it, why can’t humans figure it out?
All Hale Foamy, our Loving Lord and Master - OR FEEL OUR SQUIRRELLY WRATH!!!!
Posted in
WHAT TO DO IF TWO GAY MEN WALK BY MY TREE:
ACTION PLAN:
Gather nuts.
Hide in tree.
Wait for couple to walk by.
Aim nuts at their nuts.
If they start taking photos of me, play dead.
Keep playing dead. Pretend they don’t exist.
Play dead a little longer until they walk away.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS:
1:00: Gather nuts.
1:05: Hide in tree.
1:10: Wait for couple to walk by.
They stop.
1:15: Aim nuts at their nuts.
Fall out of tree! Oh no!
Play dead. The couple is coming toward me!
1:20: Keep playing dead! Pretend they don’t exist!
1:25: They’re taking photos of me.
Now, they are offering me some nuts.
I accept.
They take another photo of me with some nuts stuffed in my mouth.
They smile at me.
I smile back. Or at least I try with my mouth full of nuts.
1:30: They wave good-bye and walk away.
I run back to my tree with my nuts knowing that I will never be afraid of gay men again.
NEXT STORY: Scaredy Squirrel and the Lesbian Chipmunks.
I wonder who wrote that Scaredy Squirrel story. Hmm.
We Squirrels rule the World! Squirrels are Masters of Time! We Squirrels are IT Geeks with a proclivity of examining our server logs. We know who wrote the Scaredy Squirrel Meets Gay Men, we know!
Now hand over the nuts or you’ll feel my SQUIRRELLY WRATH!!!
(yup, we have squirrel wrath, bet you did know, but we do)
My apologies to author Mélanie Watt.
Hey I’m Squirrel, not a literary genius, an IT Geek with Squirrel Wrath.
love it!!!!