Archive for December, 2009

Some truth here for a change: we’re running out of gags.  We’re at the end of the news cycle. Friday is the day when many news pieces carried all week end, no not be picked up later.  Seriously. For the first few days, sure the humour flows. But sometime on Thursday, the humour gets harder, and cynicism takes its toll.

So, not so many tweets of value.

Personally, I blame Tiger Woods. Just too much about him.

At least I stayed away from the obvious ball jokes.

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In a surprise sweeping denial, Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister of Canada, has denied having a threesome with his wife, Laureen, and golf superstar Tiger Woods.

“I want to be very clear here: My wife and I did not have sexual relations with Tiger Woods.”

The unexpected announcement came during a short break in Harper’s China tour. Framed by a stretch of the Great Wall of China, Harper uttered the statement while under a slew of questions concerning the alleged torturing of Afghans after being turned over to Afghan authorities by Canadian troops.

When asked to explain the reason for his sudden statement, Harper qualified himself.

“I want to make it very clear that if we had, there would be no man-on-man action. If there had been, though, I would be on top.”

No one had asked Harper about Woods, or had made any allegations concerning the Prime Minister’s private life.

When asked why he was discussing unstated allegations about his private life during questions concerning allegations of Afghans being tortured, Harper warned the press not to make “…unsubstantiated claims connecting Tiger Woods with the Taliban.”

“Let me be clear: There is no evidence that Tiger Woods slept with bin Laden, or any Taliban for that matter, though one can never be completely sure.”

Harper then laughed “You can’t be sure because that stud certainly seems to have been getting a lot of holes in one of late.”

He then became serious and said that he would look into such concerns.

“Look, I know you think he’s a terrorist because his deviant behaviour is demoralizing to us all, especially our troops, being such sports fans and all, but we can’t be sure until an investigation is complete.”

“Read my lips: I do not believe that Tiger Woods is a Taliban sleeper agent who has been activated with a mission to demoralize our sociey and to illustrate it as decadent.”

When pressed for clarification, the Prime Minister became visibly angry. “I alone support our troops, and this behaviour of yours is demoralizing them.”

“I promise the Canadian people: We will get to the bottom of this Woods-Taliban connection.”

He then left the podium.

More twits for you. Yesterday we covered Bush’s Obama’s speech, zombie mayors, smelly PCs, Tiger Woods plays adult golf, and Harper on Facebook.

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‘Oh, the weather outside…’ isn’t really frightful, at least not here in the Centre of the Universe.

Welcome to December, and the yearly War on Christmas! We hope to find some examples, and, hopefully, causalities.

In the meantime, we present yesterday’s twitted nutz!

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It seems Jesus has risen from the grave again (go trick if you can pull it off) after being tasered and shot by police yesterday.  It seems that our saviour can’t keep out of trouble though, after being called for jury duty, Jesus was kicked off the jury for being to disruptive.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when Jesus Christ from potential jurors, some people in the court laughed and thought it was a joke until Jesus took the stand. Court officials told The Wingnuterer that Jesus Christ was excused because JC was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.

But Turner said unlike some Jefferson County residents, Christ didn’t try to get out of jury duty and was “perfectly happy to serve.”

For more about the story see,…  Jesus Christ dumped from jury pool for disruption

Bum Boobies

Gives a while new meaning to T & A

“I love boobs so I thought I should have my own,” the Mirror quoted Norwell as saying.

Man has nipples tattooed on his bum

More of our pointless Tweets… but then, Tweeting is so pointless, isn’t it?

Today: Grey and Vanier cups (with ninjas), Stephen Harper named in Psychiatry Today, “Mark Steyn”, Palin, Tiger Woods, poets and cheese, Colvin for Senate, and, did Stephen Taylor drop some acid?

Please follow The Wingnuterer on Twitter! That’s http://twitter.com/thewingnuterer

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Poor Jesus,… times are really touch for magical super-beings these days.  First Jesus is force to take a second job doing peoples ironing and now he’s in serious trouble with the law.

Seems that Police in Washington Taser Jesus after being called to house where Jesus attack a man.  It is alleged that Jesus bit the man on the chest, arms and legs.  When Police arrive they captured Jesus and were forced taser him, but being the son of God, the taser had no effect.  After trying other option the police finally had to resort to lethal force and Jesus was killed in a hail of bullets.

Read more about it Police show no mercy to ‘Jesus’